The Fragility of First Love and Power of What-ifs "If He Had Been With Me"

Title: If He Had Been With Me

Author: Laura Nowlin

Rating:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Age Rating: 13+

Genre: Romance, contemporary, love, mental health,

Trigger Warning: Death, suicide, teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse

When I first picked up "If He Had Been With Me," I was immediately drawn to its cover- simple yet evocative, hinting at a story filled with emotional depth. I was curious about how the author would weave these themes into the lives of Autumn and Finny. There was a sense of anticipation as I thought about the emotional journey that lay ahead, knowing that such themes often lead to powerful, reflective storytelling. 

As I cracked open the book, I felt a rush of excitement mixed with a hint of trepidation. The first few pages are always the gateway into a new world, and I wondered how quickly I would become immersed in Autumn's world and her relationship with Finny. The initial lines had to grab my attention, set the tone, and provide a glimpse into the emotional landscape of the story. I was ready to be drawn in, to start unraveling the layers of the narrative, and to see how the author's prose would bring the characters and their experiences to life. 

Introduction & Summary: "If He Had Been With Me" by Laura  Nowlin is a hauntingly beautiful exploration of friendship, love, and loss. The novel centers on Autumn and Finny, two childhood friends whose lives become intertwined in a complex dance of affection and regret. As they navigate the tumultuous water of adolescence, their bond deepens, revealing both the comfort and the pain of their connection. Tragedy strikes as the story unfolds, leading to a climatic revelation that leaves readers contemplating the fragility of life and the power of choice. 

The Story That Gripped Me: What captivated me most about "If He Had Been With Me" was the raw, emotional depth with which Nowlin portrays the characters' experiences. The story's exploration of the "what ifs" in life is both poignant and relatable. Autumn's internal struggle and her complex relationship with Finny are depicted with such sensitivity that I found myself fully immersed in their world. The novel's ability to intertwine everyday moments with profound emotional insights is what makes it so gripping.

Themes: The primary themes of "If He Had Been With Me" revolve around the idea of choices and their irreversible consequences. The book delves deeply into the concept of missed opportunities and how they shape our identities. Themes of love and loss are also prevalent, exploring how deeply intertwined relationships can define our lives and influence our paths. Additionally, the novel addresses the struggle between personal desire and societal expectations, making it a rich tapestry of human emotion and experience.

Writing Style: Laura Nowlin's writing style in "If He Had Been With Me" is both lyrical and evocative. Her prose is marked by a delicate balance between introspection and narrative drive. Nowlin's use of first-person narration allows readers to experience Autumn's internal world with an intimate and poignant clarity. The writing flows effortlessly, bending descriptive passages with dialogue in a way that brings the character's emotions to the forefront, making their struggles and triumphs feel profoundly real.

Relationships: The relationship between Autumn and Finny is the heart of the novel. Their bond is portrayed with a depth that captures both the beauty and complexity of long-standing friendships. Their interaction is filled with both tenderness and tension, reflecting the ways in which people can be both sources of immense joy and deep pain for one another. Additionally, the novel examines Autumn's relationships with her family and peers, further enriching the narrative and highlighting the various facets of her life.

Main Trope: The central trope of "If He Had Been With Me" is the "second chance " or  "what if" scenario. The novel continually reflects on how different choices might have led to different outcomes. This trope is employed to great effect, making the reader ponder how small decisions can have monumental impacts on our lives. It's a powerful reminder of the significance of each choice we make. 

Ambiance: The ambiance of the novel is one of melancholy and introspection. Nowlin creates a setting that is both familiar and tinged with a sense of nostalgia. The atmosphere is reflective, with moments of warmth and comfort contrasted against the backdrop of looming tragedy. This duality enhances the story's emotions, making it resonate deeply with readers.

General Thoughts: I'd say it really captures the complexities of young love and friendship. The way the characters navigate their emotions feels so real and relatable. I found myself reflecting on my own experiences and the moment when choices can change everything.

The bittersweet tone of the story stuck with me; it's like a reminder of how fragile a relationship can be. I appreciated how the author portrayed these struggles between wanting to connect with someone and the fear of losing them. It made me think about the people in my life and the what-ifs that linger. Overall, it's a poignant read that lingers in your mind long after you finish. 

 One quote that stands out is:

"I keep thinking about how different everything could be if only I had made one different choice. If only we had been together." 

The quote encapsulates the novel's exploration of regret and the weight of missed opportunities. It speaks to the heart of the story, emphasizing how our choices define our lives and how the lack of certain decisions can lead to profound consequences.

Quotes:

~"I love him in a way I cannot define, as if my love were organ within my body that I could not live without yet could not pick out of an anatomy book."

~"Stay I whisper to him. Stay in this moment. But of course he never does."

~"Perhaps he would ask me what books to me. I would tell him that it means living another life."

~"I can see some of the roses still blooming in my mother's garden. Brown on the edges and bright in other colors, their petals drooping downward, dying just as their lives have begun.

They stayed past their time, and I've realized that I have too."

~"This is the saddest part of any day, when too much  time has passed to create happiness while it is still light out."

~" I know that you know I've been in love with you forever. You don't have to pretend."

~"I could close my eyes and believe that we have never been apart. I could invent a new past to remember."

Final Reflection: Reflecting on "If He Had Been With Me," I find myself deeply moved by its portrayal of life's fragile beauty. Laura Nowlin's storytelling resonates with a raw honesty that makes the characters' experiences feel incredibly real. The novel is a poignant reminder of the impact of our choices and the way our lives are shaped by the people we hold dear. As I chose the book, I am left contemplating my own relationship and decisions, and I reminded of the power and the peril of the "what ifs" that linger inour lives.

In the end, "If You Had Been With Me" is not just a story about Autumn and Finny; it is a universal exploration of love, loss, and the paths we choose. It's a novel that will stay with me echosing its profound questions and emotional truths long after the final. page.

Playlist:

The way I Loved You by Taylor Swift

Don't You by Taylor Swift

Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift

High Infidelity by Taylor Swift

Nothing Like Us by Justin Bieber

Love Wins All by IU

Hate You by Jungkook

The Night We Met by Lord Huron

In The Stars by Benson Boone

Enchanted by Taylor Swift

Space song by Beach House

Rewrite The Star James Arthur, Anne-Marie

Off My Face by Justin Beiber

Falling by Harry Style

Never Not by Lauv

Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift

Youtube Reading Vlog: 

This video contain spoilers :)